Chelsea writes.

Welcome to 13-2.

Chuck Norris gives Liberty Commencement Speeches.

MY BIRTHDAY IS SEPTEMBER 2nd. THE BIG…1-9. okay. thanks.

A lot has happened in the past few days here at Liberty University. I’d like to take this post to answer some questions I have received from people about my stay so far.

How has Liberty already changed you compared to your time at York?

Well, I went from an environment very much focused on gluttony and rebellion to an environment that strives to be focused on the Lord. That is already working in my heart big time. Also, this place is giving me a glimpse of my future (a future I can be satisfied with), instead of a glimpse of despair. York only gave me despair and hopelessness. Everyone I’ve met is sold out on the ideas of hope and love. I love that.

Are there a lot of people with tattoos?

Surprisingly, yes. It actually has a very focused-on-the-arts environment.

What is the dorm life like?

Liberty has a very unique dorm life. Of course you have RAs, just like any other school. But on top of that, you have a hierarchy of spiritual leaders on your floor. It goes something like this…the Resident Director takes care of a few dorms and is in charge of pouring into the RAs, which there are one or two on each floor. Then the RAs take care of the Spiritual Life Directors, or SLDs. The SLDs, in turn, pour into the Prayer Leaders, and each Prayer Leader has a group of five or so people, which serves as a small group that meets weekly to pray and get into the word together. It’s very cool that your spiritual well-being is so important.

Besides that, you have a curfew of midnight or 12:30 every night. So…parts of “normal” college life are hindered, yes. BUT it’s also nice to have to be back at the dorms because then you can grow in relationship with the girls on your floor. There are rules, yes. But they’re easy to adhere to, especially if you’re living in accordance with the excellence that God expects of you anyway, which is excellence in the sense that you are of pure mind and body to the best of your ability, striving to be more Christ-like.

What is it like being in a God-centered environment as opposed to a secular one?

Honestly? It’s sometimes like a bubble. You go to college with your package of beliefs, right? And you expect that you’re going to have to defend them at some point. A lot of people come to Liberty with the expectation that you won’t have to. WRONG. Believe it or not, Liberty is home to a lot of unchurched and, as Craig Gross says, “pre-Christians”. So…you’ll still have to defend some of your beliefs. Like…I don’t really admire Jerry Falwell at all. Therefore, I’ll have to defend that at some point. And I’ve gotten close to having to defend why I voted for Obama once. I’m a liberal Christian…bottom line? I’m going to have to defend something at some point. Which means my beliefs will be challenged just like they would at any old college.

Do you feel like you fit in?

That’s a loaded question. I feel like a lot of the things that make up “me” are too dark to be shared, to be quite honest. So I get hesitant and I don’t really open up to people. BUT that is also allowing me to rely on God. It’s a bit of a give and take. At the same time, I like to have fun, I’m weird, and I like to hang out with people. So it works out as far as the typical “fitting in” goes.

What are you looking forward to in your Liberty career?

I’m looking forward to serving on ministry teams the most. I want to lead worship again. But at the same time, I really just want to develop relationships too. I just started…I can’t really pinpoint any other things I’m specifically looking forward to.

Is this where you want to be?

I think this is also a loaded question. I’m beginning to learn that where God wants me to be is where I should want to be. That doesn’t mean it will be without struggle or hardship. But if I’m striving to be more Christ-like, I should also be striving to trust and REST in God’s plan as well. God wants me here. And I know this. Therefore, I have to realize that if I want my life to be in accordance with the life that God has planned for me, I DO want to be here.

Have you found a routine that balances out school and daily time with God?

Actually, classes don’t start with Monday, so I won’t have a real answer to this question for a bit, but I just started a plan to read the Gospels in a month, which means that I should be spending time in the Word everyday. It’s been going great so far. I’ve learned a lot. I don’t think it will be too hard to balance it, though, because that is also an important part of your dorm life. It’s basically written into my schedule for me…which isn’t a bad thing AT ALL.

What do you want for your birthday?

I like money. And Barnes and Noble gift cards (we have one on campus). And I really just like mail. Letters are fantastic. Food is fantastic. Heck, I’ll even take a Skype date. I miss EVERYONE.

What’s your mailing address?

For letters:

Chelsea Gregoire
MSC Box 61653
Liberty University
P.O. Box 20,000
Lynchburg, VA 24506-8001

For packages:

Chelsea Gregoire
MSC Box 61653
1971 University Blvd
Lynchburg, VA 24502

What is it like only having one culture (no Muslims, atheists, Jews, etc.)?

It’s pretty weird. I was used to that at York. BUT there are students representing over 89 countries at Liberty. So…there’s plenty of culture. I like it a lot.

What is the funniest moment so far?

It was 3 AM and me and all my roommates were still up. And one of my roommates is playing with her clip-on lamp by her bed. I guess she was really tired or something but she got curious and angled the lamp directly at her face and turned it on. Her face was priceless. So. Good.

What has been the most awkward moment so far?

Ummm. I was going to change and I’m on a floor of all girls. So I am walking towards my closet, telling my roommates that I’m just going to drop my pants. Little did I notice…the girls across the hall thought I was talking to them. There was awkward eye contact that followed…along with me saying, “Welp…see ya later!”

What is the food like?

For reals…the food is NOT bad at all. I mean, we have a Chick-Fil-A on campus and bunches of other stuff. BUT I love Chinese food. And there’s a whole asian section in the cafeteria everyday. Oooh PORK WONTON.

How much walking have you done?

Oh my gosh. A TON. When I have kids, I will honestly be able to say I walked uphill both ways. Up to David’s Place, Up to the dorm. My legs are going to be RIPPED by the end of this year alone. I’ve already walked miles at least.

Are you going to survive the years you have to spend at Liberty?

Well…I hope so.

What are some predictions and goals you have for your first year?

I want to find a good group of people to chill with. A real solid group that will hold me accountable. I’ve been focusing a lot on Proverbs 13:20, which says “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” I want to be wise. I want to get deep with people. I think by the end of my first year, I will finally have a taste of the college experience I’ve been longing for, which is SUCH a relief. I also have a desire to be an SLD at some point.

What makes your room awesome?

We have a TV, so we’ve had two movie parties already. And we have a ton of floor space, so it’s a sweet hangout. Also…the people who live in my room…they’re fantastic. Yes, I mean me.

Just kidding. My roommates are WAY cooler than me.

How do you plan on bettering and contributing to LU?

Well, I’d like to get involved in student leadership and be a prayer leader or SLD at some point. I think that’s where my heart is, outside of worship. Also, when I join ministry teams, I’m excited to share my passion with the campus. I firmly believe that people can be completely changed by a worship experience that is full of heart and passion. I know I have.

Is Liberty as crazy strict as everyone says?

You know…there are some ridiculous rules. I’m not going to sugar coat it. But like I said before, the rules are made from a biblical standpoint in order to shape Liberty’s students into people sold out for Christ, especially in the way they live. I’ll miss my R-Rated movies. But hey…they’re just movies. There are more important things. I’d much rather be a “fisher of men” than sit in my room watching R-rated movies all day. There’s more to life.

How does mingling with other dorms work?

Well, you have brother and sister dorms and we do things like play sports and get meals together. But guys are not allowed on the hall to hang out…there is an open dorm once a semester in which guys can come on the hall. However, the campus is huge…there’s a ton of people to meet and a million different places to hang out. It’s awesome.

How are things with Ben going? [ ]

It’s really good. It’s encouraging to me that communication is going so well. I mean, I miss him, of course. But the way I see it is this…right now, God has us apart so that He can better us individually first. I’ve always believed that you can’t be confident in a relationship until you’re confident with yourself. So God is doing a mighty work. And I know I will be better for Ben when we reunite than I am right now.

What was the first thing that impacted you on campus?

The first time I was REALLY impacted was at the first convocation. It’s a little intimidating attending a service in a stadium with thousands of other people, but God was in the room. And I felt it. Also, the speaker, Dr. Ergun Caner, was brilliant and he spoke about what it looks like to be a Champion for Christ (one of the slogans of the school). It’s not being a casual or calloused Christian. It’s about being SOLD OUT for Christ. It was amazing.

The second thing that REALLY REALLY impacted me was hearing Dr. Whaley (the chairperson of the Worship department) speak at the Worship majors meeting. He is so passionate about training true worship leaders. And he is sincere…you can just tell. The best part? He believes that if God has called you to something, He is going to continue to direct you to that. That was encouraging for me because I’ve always struggled with thinking that God calls me to something and then takes it away or gives it up…when in actuality, I’m pretty sure it’s just ME giving up or pushing the plan away. Dr. Whaley believes in his students. I’m so excited to get to know him and learn from his vast expanse of experience and knowledge.

Well, I think that basically covers everything. If you have any other questions, leave them in a comment…or just comment ANYWAYS.

-CFG

p.s. the title of this post? That is absolutely true. He gave the commencement speech for the Liberty graduating class of 2008.

Welcome to Lynchburg.

Well, it’s day two in Lynchburg, VA, in the central location of all things Christianity. And…it’s…not. that. bad.

First off, this place is gorgeous.

and that’s even after a thunderstorm. And yes…that’s Space Mountain.

I’m very tired…I don’t sleep too well yet. But hey. We’re getting there. Here are some more pictures to hold you over…

I’ll put up a real post once my roommates move in and orientation starts. I’m going to go read books now like a good student.

Stay Tuned for…

- My review of Craig Gross’ upcoming book in a week or so.

- Pictures of the dorm room once the other half is occupied.

- My opinion on the state of Christianity and spirituality at a mega-church-ran Christian university.

-CFG

All who are weak, all who are weary.

Hey there. Welcome to my blog. I haven’t updated in a while. So much for everyday. FAIL.

Tonight, I’m playing my last show. I am nervous, stressed, burnt out, tired…but you know, I’m excited. It’s going to be my best show yet. There are some people that I wish could be here for it, but other things do come before concerts. I have a band, I have friends, I have family, I have everything I need to make this show incredible. I’m ready.

I am NOT ready to leave for school.

I am NOT ready to leave Annapolis.

But I want to leave Annapolis.

Desperately.

-CFG

Woodland creature, I love you.

Hi.

So I have a lot to say to you. I would have called you and given you my reply in that way, but I’m a coward and I don’t feel like facing the world anymore today. Even though you’re not the “world” in my head. You’re you. You’re safe.

But still.

Thank you for sharing your prayer with me. Part of me always wonders, when praying silently in a large group, what everyone else is saying in their conversations with the Lord. Call me “nosy”, but hey. I’m curious. Anyways, your prayer. I wish I could learn how to pray like that…the way you glorify God. I can glorify God, but most of my silent prayers aren’t so silent…I spend them yelling. But you respect, you show reverence. By the way, I’m not trying to critique it. It just struck me. That’s all. It’s making me realize that, like in real life, yelling gets me nowhere.

And onto the rest…

Your story is significant because yes, we have identity in Christ, but the things you have experienced have made who you are today…because one thing I’ve noticed is that when you look back at the things that have happened to you, you get a glimpse of God’s plan. How one thing intertwined with another and led to something incredible. And you’re the best person for the job because you felt everything firsthand. It was your senses that experienced these things, not anyone else’s. No one can tell you what you were feeling at any given point in time besides you. You have the privilege of knowing yourself in this way. However, despite all my preaching, you don’t have to share it because everyone else does. That’s not the point. If you don’t want to, then don’t. Because it’s your story…no one else. You dictate what happens to your story, who hears it, how it’s told. But…I would like to hear the whole thing sometime, not just pieces of various size and shape and importance. I want to hear all of it. Maybe. It’s up to you.

The little rant that comes next might have been one of my favorite parts. “Things I Don’t Like”. Perfect. No comment.

There is no such thing as “over-analyzing”. The only problem that can occur when someone thinks is when their thinking is fueled by something bad, like…Satan. For example. When I’m down sometimes and I’m thinking about stuff and scenarios pop into my head that I’m not going to describe on my blog, usually they are fueled by dark forces and I shouldn’t be thinking about them. God works stuff out, yes. BUT He usually works stuff out in conjunction with your train of thought. Maybe you’re not over-analyzing. Maybe you’re just digging deeper. Maybe you’re uncovering truth. Maybe…just maybe. Think about it. No pun intended.

I have no idea how to challenge whether you’re ready or not, because in my head, I can see you being ready. I’m not thrown off by that idea at all. So…maybe you are. Over-analyze it.

And if you settle for $9 an hour, I will punch you in the face. Go ahead. Laugh. I am. Because I don’t think I could ever hit you. Dang it. My threat is now…EMPTY.

I think you could too. I’m encouraged by you.

I’m not sure if you realized this, but you DO write extremely well. Don’t try to argue with me. Look at this blog. Seriously? Worst writing ever. I use excessive punctuation and make myself look like a know-it-all by posting it online. HECK YEAH!

I don’t like the Christmas season. Don’t judge. There are no traditions anymore in my house. The magic of the holiday season is ruined. Yes, I’m a downer.

I like your parents. That one night when I stayed for dinner…so good. I miss family dinners. I don’t think my family has sat down to dinner together at home in a year. Tell your mom I say “what’s up.” And…”Chelsea’s moving in.”

Thank you. No one else tried to help last night. My family didn’t question my behavior. I try my hardest to be strong. I’m fighting something a lot bigger than me. I try to keep it in a box, but it’s growing everyday. I keep having to make the box bigger or cut off one of its limbs to get it to fit because I can’t kill it…I’m too small. God’s more than big enough. I know this. I trust this. I sincerely believe it. I’ve given it up more times than I can count, but it comes back. At first I questioned my sincerity. And then I thought, “well, maybe this is the plan.” I’m not sure. Either way, I’m doing my best to press on. Thanks for encouraging me through that.

And I love you too.

-CFG

Sometimes I run…sometimes I hide.

You know it’s a good post when the title is an old school Britney Spears quote.

Today is a down day for me. Luckily. Tomorrow will be insane, so I took today for my mental health. And also…to finish this sermon. It’s evolving into something insane…this topic is EVERYWHERE. It could be heavily theological, it could be short and sweet. It’s an important topic for middle schoolers to hear, but as I do the research, I’m worried that this is one of those things that you hear all the time and DON’T allow it to affect you. “The vastness and greatness and power that is God loves something small and powerless and sinful like me!”

I feel like we hear that all the time.

So how do we need to hear those words for the idea to have a totally new and exciting and beneficial impact?

At first, I thought sharing a little bit of my story would help that. But every speaker always uses an anecdote from their life to support their story and stance. It’s not original.

Then I was like, “well, Veggie Tales will help.” But the bad thing about the Veggie Tales is that they explain it exactly how we hear it all the time. “I don’t just want you to fly, son. I want you to soar.” The mediocrity is overwhelming, no matter how true it is.

Maybe I’m digging into it far too much. I’m thinking critically, maybe even over-critically. What if the kids don’t think like I do or even remotely close? Well, you know…I’m a firm believer in the idea that one should give a sermon that they would like to listen to. One should speak in a way that if they were in the audience, it would keep them trekking and plugged into the discussion. And I, personally, I need originality. I don’t need mediocre, everyday answers. I need it spelled out. I need someone to get fired up about being worth something to the One who is everything. I don’t need to hear just that God loves me. I need to hear all the ways that I know He loves me. I don’t need to hear that He has a plan. I want to know what that plan is (in a loose, “applicable to everyone” way). And I don’t need to know that I’m worth something. I need to know that I’m worth something to God, who, when I’m placed next to Him, makes me look completely minuscule and insignificant. I need to hear that it’s all backwards from the way the world sees it, and I need whoever is telling me this to believe it and explain it.

So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to get fired up. And with God’s words, I’m going to bring the heat. He’s going to bring purpose.

…And now I’ve got to finish it.

-CFG

P.S. I like feedback. In fact, I don’t just like it, I need it. Seriously, I could become totally self-righteous if someone doesn’t give me their opinion.

Of infinite worth.

So…I’m giving a sermon on Sunday about self-worth. And if you’ve read some of my blog, you’ve probably realized that I’ve been on quite a journey as far as the topic of “self-worth” goes.

I’ve never been the most confident of girls. I have the art of exuding confidence (fake, mostly) down like nobody’s business because unfortunately, I’ve built a lot of my life from behind a mask. I’ve done ridiculous things, I’ve put myself out there, but to be honest, it’s never been genuine. Before I went on that missions trip last week, I realized that my childhood was missing a summer camp experience. As I dug into the idea more and more, I realized that it was a self-confidence issue…”I’m not good at sports, I’m not good at the outdoors, I’m not good with dirt, I’m not genuinely outgoing…so camp is probably not the place for me” kind of deal. As my adolescence progressed, I started dealing with some stuff that I shouldn’t have and it transformed from a self confidence to a self worth issue. Before, I just found myself in situations where I was uncomfortable…but now, I was uncomfortable because I didn’t feel that I was worth much of anything…especially anyone’s time or thoughts or conversation. I merely existed. Jesus walked on water. I silently drowned.

Because I felt that I was worth absolutely nothing to any given person, I also had a subconscious belief (even though I would deny it…and then confirm it a lot) that God did not care and that regardless of what the Bible told me about God’s amazing love for me, I was worthless in God’s eyes. It was a very dark time. When you convince yourself that the creator of the universe and the lover of every person on this planet (despite every fault) has singled you out as the one person that He does not care about, you destroy yourself silently. I’ve watched friends destroy themselves by this path. It’s frightening. Through this, everything that God said eventually registered as a lie, whether I knew the truth or not, and it all became a matter of habit. We can throw ourselves in patterns that take over the steering of our lives…how scary is that!

If someone told me something, it was taken personally, until everything was about me…and everything about me was negative. There was no up-side to anything. And thus began the darkest point. Eventually, I felt so worthless and saw no point to my life and became a burden to myself. I felt that there was no need to carry on a life that had no purpose.

The truth is this: I’m still alive.

I’m still alive because God showed me my worth. He put people in my life, He spoke wisdom into darkness, and He revealed my purpose when I needed it the most. Some scripture that God has shown me my worth through:

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.        - Jeremiah 29:11-14

⁴But you, brothers, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. ⁵You are all sons of the light and sons of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness. ⁶So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled. ⁷For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. ⁸But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. ⁹For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. ¹⁰He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. ¹¹Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.              – 1 Thessalonians 5:4-11

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, ¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.                        – Psalm 139:14-16

¹Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we^[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ²through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we^[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³Not only so, but we^[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

⁶You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. ⁸But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

⁹Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! ¹⁰For if, when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! ¹¹Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.       - Romans 5:1-11

²⁸And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,^[j] who^[k] have been called according to his purpose. ²⁹For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. ³⁰And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.                                – Romans 8:28-30

²⁸ Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.           - Isaiah 40:28-31

Take hope in the fact that God has promised your worth. Psalm 8 says,

³ When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, ⁴ what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? ⁵ You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings ^[c] and crowned him with glory and honor.

Seriously? “A little lower than the heavenly beings”?! “Crowned with glory and honor”?! No way. Not I, Lord.

Yes. You. Me. Everyone. We are worth it. We are worth everything the Lord has to offer…and to be quite honest, He is offering to us…everything. What a beautiful image of love that we cannot even begin to fathom.

Challenge: Are you allowing yourself to know your worth? Do you understand your place in this universe? Do you understand that you are of great importance? If you don’t, you should. You are of infinite worth to the Creator of everything.

-CFG

My list of things to do. Want to help?

Alrightyyy.

I have a few things to get done. If you’re looking for an intense spiritual post, see the post that precedes this one. This is going to be word vomit, a list of tasks that I need to complete, and needs I have that I am praying for and would ask you to pray for as well.

• Call the Registrar’s office. Substitute one of your three credit hour courses from York for your Speech Coms class that you’re registered for in the fall. That way, you can take the required course for Debate Team. Woo!
• Get your textbooks sent to your house. This is not to overwhelm you with schoolwork before school even starts, BUT instead to prepare yourself for school. It’s been nearly 8 months since you’ve even been in a school setting. You need to get reading, bucko!
• Either work on your old bike or get a used one for the fall. Walking the distance from your dorm to David’s Place (The School of Worship building) is NOT an option. Biking is exercise! You know you want to.
• Find all of your dorm stuff…yeah. This will be fun.
• Find a better guitar THAT YOU CAN AFFORD. Trade in Black Beauty (your first acoustic-electric…screw sentimental value!) or something. You need a higher quality performance guitar, especially since it is your second instrument.
• Prepare audition pieces…one for voice, one for guitar. And don’t try to over-reach it: They’re trying to meet you where you ARE, not where they WANT you to be.
• Get in touch with your other roommate…WHERE THE HECK IS SHE.
• Take the bumper sticker slamming John McCain off of your guitar case. That sticker + The central location of Christianity = Bad idea.
• Give all those bibles a good home. Find a place that needs about 40 bibles!
• Sell some CDs. Register it on iTunes…get them OUT of your hands.
• Stop eating junk food. Healthy, healthy!
• Apprentice a worship leader for 528.
• Send in your debate team, course substitution, background check, job application, and camp registration forms THIS WEEK.
• Put in your two weeks notice on July 25th. Work hard. Decide whether or not you want to stay on payroll for holiday season.
• Buy new ink cartridges for your printer.
• Record those new songs before you go insane.
• Smile.

-CFG

So…I fail at keeping up.

This is going to be a really LONG post. There’s a lot to talk about.

I just got back from my first missions trip ever.

I was a leader in a youth trip to the backwoods of North Carolina to a camp called The Refuge. Now…I did my research (as I always do) before I went, and I still had no idea what to expect. When I got there, there wasn’t much of a camp, but there was heart and spirit and dreams. And that makes a camp to me. Sammy, the director, was given this land to develop into a camp a couple years ago, and so far, they have begun trails, man made lakes, cabins, boat houses, all kinds of stuff. God has blessed this place greatly…more so than I probably even understand, even after spending a week there. I spent my time serving on the paint crew, and we called ourselves “The Family”, adopting the phrase “The family that prays together stays together” and stealing our official chant from the…Hillshire Farms commercial. (GO MEAT!)

In the little less than a week that we were there, the paint crew finished a front porch, back porch, a cross, and a boathouse, doing multiple coats, primer, and in some cases, sanding and scraping off old lead paint (woo!). The other teams, Construction and Trailblazing, did their jobs, working on a cabin for female counselors, blazing new trails, making signs, reinforcing floors, etc. A lot was accomplished in the short time that we were there, but, without being absolutely corny, I will say this: the greatest achievement was the crazy strides that were made in effort towards continuing in all of our walks with Christ. Ranging from 12 to 40+ years old, our group was obviously in a million different places and we all came for different reasons. But we all had a strong desire to grow closer to the Lord…and that’s what made our campaign so successful.

The times that we laughed so hard we cried are too numerous to count…that’s for sure. And even though I remember each of those moments vividly, the moments that really stand out and still continue to impact me are the times that God broke me, challenged me, and quite literally shoved me out of my comfort zone. For example, one night, after a bunch of us had gone to bed, the remaining decided that we should worship. So we did…I brought out my guitar, everyone brought their voices…it was a beautiful moment. And another night…we were challenged by the man who gave the land to Sammy (his name is Chuck and he’s a pig farmer!) to chisel away the things that are keeping us from being the masterpieces that God designed us to be and in our groups, we confessed the things that we struggled with, that were hurting us, that made us question God and His sovereignty. And in that moment, we grew together and towards each other and towards the Lord…tears couldn’t divide us from an almighty love that surpasses all. And when I failed to be a good leader and I made poor choices, God took my mistake and made into a moment that changed my life and a kid’s life forever. He brought me, in that instant, to the foot of His cross, kneeling before my shame. It’s humbling to physically get on your knees before a true King.

Here’s a tangent: Have you noticed how people say “I was on my knees in prayer” or “I was on my face praying”…how many of those people do you actually think were submitting themselves in such a way to the Lord. Because if they weren’t, I hope they realize how much they missed out on. There’s a magical feeling in putting yourself vulnerably before the cross…it’s cleansing. It breaks boundaries. It destroys any barrier that the world has placed between you and your Father. I re-committed my life to my Savior in that moment and so did that kid. We connected, but through God. God anointed a friendship. It’s NUTS.

We also took communion together. Communion is often redundant, especially in the context it has in the church these days. A wise friend of mine once reminded me that any time we break bread together and ask God to bless it to the nourishment of our bodies and are united in His spirit…we are in fact participating in the holy sacrament of communion. However, our team had already seen a lot together…we had dealt with a lot of things, we had chiseled away the ungodly, we had broken our walls. This communion was the official moment of us returning to God through His sacrifice. And it was good. Like Him.

On the last night, the camp designated a time of reflection for all of us. They designed a walk in the dark and gave us each a lantern and had us walk in silence, in prayer, in reflection, in a time with the Lord. Throughout the trip, God had challenged me, pushed me out of my comfort zone, but He hadn’t really broken me yet. And during this walk, He did it. He took my heart and basically told me, like the good old Relient K song, “Let It All Out”…

“And You said ‘I know that this will hurt
but if I don’t break your heart then things will just get worse.
If the burden seems too much to bear,
Remember:
the end will justify the pain it took to get us there.”

The tears started flowing, and I stopped for a second at the cross. I looked at it and I saw what I was carrying on it. And I didn’t realize until today, July 13th, two days after the trip…the cross is bigger than any representation we can make out of it. Nothing we decide to carry on our own is too big that it didn’t fit on that cross when God sacrificed Himself on it. On Friday night, when I stopped to meditate on the idea of the cross, I just got angry. The process of God breaking me, the tears in my eyes, they blinded me from seeing what I was supposed to see…that it was there on the cross, not on my own shoulders, but instead I just saw it there…I saw its existence and I got so angry with God. Sometimes, I just want it all to be taken away. But God put it on the cross so I could see it and know that its not mine to carry…He took it away a long time ago…and I keep trying to take it back and fight the battle myself. It’s something I have to work on and a habit I have to break myself of. But at least I get the concept.

That night…I sat around the bonfire and then beside the pond, angry, because I didn’t see it from God’s point of view. I saw it from the world’s point of view. And I’m sorry. I am mostly apologizing to God, but there are others that know that I’m apologizing to them too. I feel like a jerk when I bring people down with me. But I think it happens because one: I’m human. And two: I don’t want to be alone. We were made for community, to walk through this life with other people, specifically other believers, growing in God with each other. And in a selfish state, when all I can think about is myself, that’s the only way I know how to involve people. It’s scary. I’m not proud of it. So…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you or frustrate you or mistreat you.

I love you, you know.

Today, I was looking through the 700-some pictures I have collected from the trip. And I came across a picture I wanted to edit…and its now my Facebook picture (goooooo Social Networking!)…but I do have a point here. I wanted the grass, the life in the picture to be vibrant and colorful. And I wanted me to be kept from that vibrance by a wall and in black and white. Very symbolic. God puts these ideas on my heart…I can’t take credit for them. And then I looked for a verse to go with it. Something about being separated. Something about breaking down barriers. And something about the Spirit of God. So I talked with Ben about it. And I found a passage in Ephesians…chapter 2, verses 10 through 22 to be specific. I also found one in 2 Chronicles that was more about prayer. I thought about both of them…rewrote both of them in my journal…and then the Ephesians passage just really struck me. Here’s the passage I’m talking about:

“¹⁰For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

¹¹Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called “uncircumcised” by those who call themselves “the circumcision” (that done in the body by the hands of men)— ¹²remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. ¹³But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.

¹⁴For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, ¹⁵by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, ¹⁶and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. ¹⁷He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. ¹⁸For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.

¹⁹Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household, ²⁰built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. ²¹In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. ²²And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.”

WOW. Okay. Let’s talk about a reality check. So verse 10: We were created by God as masterpieces, His handiwork, to do the good works that He designed us to do. So we’re talking about using our spiritual gifts, serving others…okay, I just got back from a missions trip! AWESOME. Verses 11 through 13: We were separated and disconnected, especially from the hope of God. We used to be far away, but we are now united by the blood of Christ. SO sweet. Story of my life…drawn in by God’s sacrifice…brilliant. Verses 14 through 18: God DEMOLISHES the wall that was placed between us and His love by His blood. And now we have access to the Lord whenever because His Spirit is among us and lives within us. What a comfort to know that God is working through us and in us even when we reject Him. Because He loves us. He is the peace we seek, the reconciliation of our world-seeking flesh and our thirsting-for-God spirit. Verses 19 through 22: He is, day by day, creating within us, a dwelling place for His Spirit…that we may exude His presence and His love and His compassion. I mean, seriously. Who DOESN’T want to be that to the world. I know I do. We are being built into a dwelling place.

For me, that’s hard to come to terms with…because I am so selfish sometimes and I’m so sad sometimes that I cannot find the strength within me to comprehend the idea that a perfect and almighty God would want to dwell within me. Remember that Sunday School song…”Jesus Loves The Little Children”…there’s that line “They are precious in His sight”…I LOVE that line. It’s the truth. It’s the only reason that God would want to dwell within us. Because we are more precious to Him than gold or silver or anything else. We mean everything to Him. It’s nuts. CRAZY.

So after I found this passage, I remembered something. I thought, “I’m pretty sure this is that passage that Morgan found and read out loud when we were all sitting around and in the Word together.”

SMACK IN THE FACE.

God was trying to tell me something LONG before He ever broke me.

Welp. I feel like an idiot.

Bottom line: When God breaks something, He makes it WAY better than it was before. How’s that for hope?

-CFG

We’re all merely mall-walkers.

Working at the mall, especially as a store opener, has opened my eyes to a sometimes ridiculous phenomenon:

MALL-WALKING.

Apparently, the mall, if you walk the entire thing, amounts to a fairly long walk, and therefore amounts to tons of exercise. Every person upwards of 58 years old in the Annapolis area has walked the mall. The other strange part of this is that they get there at around 6:30 AM. And they stay until around 11:30 AM.

Now…I get to the mall about an hour previous to when I actually need to be there because I enjoy the peace and quiet, because the mall-walkers also don’t make noise. I use the time to do devotionals. And I’ve made many observations about the lives of this mall-walking population. First and foremost, all of the mall-walkers know each other. I kid you not…they walk for like 3 hours and then they all meet at Chick-fil-A, Starbucks, or the E-Bar for breakfast/morning-type beverages. They hang out, they wave to each other, greeting each other by name. Secondly, if you don’t know them, DO NOT bother them. There is one particular husband and wife that walk together every morning and at Teavana, we have to offer tea samples. So…I’m offering, I’m sampling…I offer it to this couple and they look at me sternly and walk away. I didn’t think anything of it. The next day, I offer samples to them again. The husband looks at me, points his finger, and says, “NO.”

The next day, I didn’t open, but apparently, my co-worker had to call mall security because this old man was getting all up in his face and screaming at him to stop offering him tea…yeah.

However, the third thing I’ve observed is a little less critical of their mall-walking movement. I’ve noticed that they’ve all got stories. For the past month or so, I’ve been doing my devotionals on the couches near Adidas. There is one man with strange posture, but he breaks the mold and likes to run that certain wing of the mall 5 times up and down, including the escalators, everyday. He used to be an officer in the Navy before he retired.

One woman…she has my heart. She’s a short, always smiling woman with cotton candy hair, the kind of woman that you would expect to be a grandmother that spoils. The first day I met her, it was back in the end of February. At this particular point in time, I had a different couch for devotionals…this one a bit closer to H&M. It was a quiet mall-walking day…not too crowded, and definitely not too many people tucked away in this corner of the mall. I’m reading Praise Habit (david crowder) and I look up to see this lady with a walker inching towards me. I smile at her and it takes her a few minutes to get by my couch, so she says to me, “Someday, I’m going to be able to walk without this walker again. I won’t need to rely on this. I’ll walk all by myself.” After that, she smiled and carried on. I thought about what she said, said a little prayer for her, and then looked back to see her trying relentlessly to cast her walker aside, but she only made it a few steps. Her frustration was surrounding her like a cloud of ash.

I thought about what she said quite often after that. We all have crutches that we want to be independent of. I, for one, have a few. We all have things that we think we need in order to carry on with life, but Grace has told us otherwise…all we need is Him. Invite the Lord in to do a little surgery. He will fix that bum knee or that shoulder or that broken heart that has required you to rely on a crutch. (Keep in mind that I DESPISE when people call religion a crutch. The best thing you can rely on is the Lord…and He is an invisible strength. A crutch simply keeps you from using the body part and making it better by putting it to use. God uses our bodies, hearts, and minds in their entirety for His glory, if one should allow Him to do so. By “crutch”, I mean a physical, worldly idol that you rely on.) So I don’t regret saying a prayer for her. I asked the Lord to heal her, to empower her, to give her the strength and motivation to leave the walker at home and carry on independently and painlessly.

The next time I saw her, she was without the walker. She recognized me and she looked at me and gave me this expression of excitement and success and then threw her fists into the air…the fist pump of victory. Her smile was warm and genuine as always, but man, she glowed. She won. The Lord had eliminated her crutch.

The other night, I exposed a crutch of mine and thought immediately of that passage in Ephesians that talks about what the sinful do in secret and how it should be brought into the light. I brought it into the light for the first time EVER. And that night, the Lord cast out the darkness I’ve been feeling for months. It was a ridiculous feeling. I went from feeling worthless to laughing and smiling in a matter of seconds. I, as of now, still have a hard time explaining what happened. But when I figure it out, I’ll let you know. The bottom line is, though…Grace saved the day. Grace destroyed my crutch.

We’re all merely mall-walkers…people wandering aimlessly through the world. But we’ve all got stories that the Lord so gracefully composed. What’s yours?

-CFG